Quora Answer: If Monogamy is Natural, Why Do Many Relationships End because of Affairs?

The following is my answer to a Quora question: “If monogamy is natural, why do so many relationships end because of affairs?”

Relationships do not end because of affairs.  Affairs are indicators that the relationship was already over, as far as one party is concerned, and they are considering options.  Sometimes, the party involved in the infidelity does not have the moral, or psychological, courage to admit it.  Or, as is often the case, they consider the legal or financial too high to initiate a proper break-up.

People assume monogamy means that we are obliged to be with the same person until death.  That may not necessarily be so, because people grow apart for various reasons.  We are monogamous, for the most part, because our societal structure and cultures are geared towards nuclear families, with clearly defined gender roles.  Even when those roles evolved, they still adhered to some form of societal norms.

Polygamous relationships are exceptions, based on circumstance, that evolved into culture.  In many societies, it was the privilege of the ruling class, as a means to ensure the propagation of the line, and keep wealth within the family.  In nomadic cultures, aside from being a source of prestige, it was also a means to ensure that children were taken of, and seen to belong to a family, or lineage.

None of this, however, is definitive proof that we are either monogamous or polygamous.  These are developments within the context of society, culture.  They are not biological.  The only biological consideration is the need for a male and a female to procreate.  It does not necessarily necessitate the father of the child staying.

As women gain equal status in society, and assert their role, polygamy has faded away.  Women are no longer property, and part of a man’s estate.  They are partners in a relationship.  This is why, as societies advanced, monogamy became a feature, and polygamy is considered anachronistic.