Quora Answer: Do Multicultural Marriages Work?

The following is my answer to a Quora question: “Do multicultural marriages work?”

20% of marriages in Singapore are between people of different backgrounds, different cultures, different ethnicities, different religions even.  That number will grow, especially as more and more people in Singapore are from mixed-marriages themselves.  As a Eurasian of Portuguese, every relationship I have ever had, including one engagement, two marriages and a multitude of girlfriends, have all been multicultural.  There are less than a thousand Cristao (Kristang), Portuguese Eurasians, and every single one of them is somehow related to me.  That makes me a default expert on this by accident, not design.

All marriages are hard.  All marriages have their challenges.  If you fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you go home to different houses and have space to cool off.  Fight with your spouse, you go home to the same bed and sleep with the enemy.  A multicultural marriage has the added layer of different cultural background.  Some would consider this a complication.  However, it might be a blessing.  We give the other the benefit of the doubt because we are not familiar with much of their culture, and let things pass.  But two people of the same background sometimes have the same baggage, and familiarity breeds contempt.

In summary, the challenges are no greater or worse overall.  Whether the marriage works depends on how much work is put into it.