Separated by a Common Language

One of the strangest phenomena in the magical world of social media, are random Americans from Trump country having issues with my English.  How it hurts my feelings, and devastates my self-esteem, knowing I will never be able to spell as well as these fine creatures from the dark side of redneck reality.  How it diminishes me, and emasculates me, that I will never have the eloquence and mastery of language, as these intimate lovers of their sisters and mother.

I have been told it is “program”, not “programme”; that it is “kilogram”, and not “kilogramme”; and that it is “monogram”, not “monogramme”.

I have advised that words like “sanitise”, “evangelise”, and “romanticise” should be spelt “sanitize”, “evangelize”, and “romanticize”.

I have been harangued on how “colour”, “humour”, and “neighbour” should be “color”, “humor”, and “neighbor”.

I have been lectured on how, “analyse”, “paralyse”, and “catalyse” should be “analyze”, “paralyze”, and “catalyze”.

I have been reprimanded that it is “apologize”, not “apologise”; “organize”, not “organise”, and “recognize”, not “recognise”.

I have been rebuked on how it should be “defense”, not “defence”; “license”, not “licence”; and “offense”, not “offence”.

I have been reproached on the evils of “analogue”, “catalogue”, and “dialogue”; instead of “analog”, “catalog”, and “dialog”.

I have been corrected that it is “leukemia”, instead of “leukaemia”; that it is “maneuver”, instead of “manoeuvre  “; that it is “estrogen”, instead of “oestrogen”; that it is “pedophilia”, instead of “paedophilia”; that it is “diarrhea”, instead of “diarrhoea”; and so many, many, many more.

It is attributed to George Bernard Shaw, that Britain and America are two nations divided by a common language.  For this, I must squarely blame Noah Webster Jr., and his jihad against “English” English, and for a distinctly American spelling.  Of course, I fully deserve this for taking miseducated English lessons from people who can scarce tell the difference between “their”, “they’re”, and “there”.  I am amazed at people who know only one language, and yet cannot speak it well.