Idiotic Idiomatic

An idiom is a phrase where the established usage and meaning of the individual words are distinct from the overall meaning of the words taken as a whole.  The problem with idioms is that outside their cultural context, they sound ridiculous.  If we were to imagine a civilisation, a thousand years from now, reading our literature the way we attempt to discern the writings of dead civilisations, is it any wonder there is a lot of confusion?

We ask who let the cat out of the bag.  The more important question is who went to all that trouble of putting the cat in the bag in the first place?  Curiosity killed the cat, but the cat has nine lives.  Maybe it took a cat nap?  If the cat dragged in something stolen, does it make it a cat burglar?

They say a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.  Is this a comparison between masturbation, and double penetration?  But eagle-eyed would notice that the birds of a feather, flock together, and go on a wild goose chase as a swan song.  And since the goose bumps the ugly duckling, there is water off the duck’s back.  Just as well that we do not kill the goose that lays the golden egg, because sauce that is good for the goose, is good for the gander.

I heard a leopard cannot change its spots, but a snake can shed its skin, which mean the opposite things.  There is some snake oil there, if the snake is in the grass.

Some people say that complex ideas are all Greek to them.  But what if they are Greek?  This is the Herculean task of opening a Pandora’s box, which is my Achilles’ heel.

When people like someone, they talk about the apple of their eye, but that is the wrong way to eat an apple.  If it was a bad apple, is it because it fell far from the tree?  Will it still keep the doctor away?

It is a waste of time to beat a dead horse.  It is worse to beat off a dead horse.  There is no horsing around with the fact that a dark horse is different from a white horse, and even if you lead that horse to water, there is still no horse play.

Chewing someone out may be acceptable in public, but eating someone out in public might get you arrested.  It is also prudent not to bite off more than you can chew.

For the hell of it, I will play the Devil’s advocate, since it is better the devil we know, or all hell will break lose, which may lead to a cold day in hell.  But we know that hell has no fury like a woman scorned.  Because, behind every successful man is a woman – who is probably his mistress.  There is some monkey business there.

This is why idiomatic expressions may be idiotic expressions.