Quality Insults

This is a list of quality insults.  A clever retort, a devastating put down, a witty response enlivens the language. 

Walter Francis Kerr, the American writer and Broadway theatre critic, known for his savage reviews.  In 1951 the Pulitzer-winning drama critic wrote, in the “New York Herald Tribune”, a review of a Broadway play, “Buy Me Blue Ribbons”.  She said, of the main actor in the production, “He had delusions of adequacy.” 

Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill, British statesman and wartime Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945, said, of Richard Stafford Cripps, the Labour Party politician, “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” 

Clarence Seward Darrow was an attorney best known for his 1925 defense of a Tennessee teacher who had presented Darwin’s theory of evolution in violation of state law at the time.  He said, in 1932, “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” 

William Cuthbert Faulkner, considered one of the best American writers of Southern literature, famously said, of Ernest Miller Hemingway, his fellow writer, “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” 

Ernest Hemingway responded, “Poor Faulkner.  Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” 

Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde said, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” 

This is an apocryphal exchange between Shaw and Churchill.  Shaw allegedly wrote to Churchill, “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”  The play is thought to be “Pygmalion” or “Saint Joan. 

Churchill replied, “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.” 

Earl Stephen Bishop , the American songwriter, wrote a lyric, “I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” 

John Bright, British Radical and Liberal statesman, is thought to have said, quoting earlier versions of this, “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”  He was criticising Benjamin Disraeli, twice Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. 

Irvin Shrewsbury Cobb, the American author and humourist, is quoted as saying, “I’ve just learned about his illness.  Let’s hope it's nothing trivial.” 

Samuel Foote was a British dramatist, actor and theatre manager from Cornwall, known for his comedic acting and writing.  He is thought to have once said, “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” 

Paul John Keating, the 24^th Prime Minister of Australia, said this about John Winston Howard, the 25^th Prime Minister of Australia: “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” 

Forrest Meredith Tucker, the vaudeville performer, said, “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” 

Mae West, the American stage and film actress, said, about one of her leading men, “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” 

Oscar Wilde wrote, in “The Duchess Of Padua”, “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” 

Billy Wilder, the Austrian-American film director, producer and screenwriter, said, “He has van Gogh’s ear for music.” 

Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx did not originate it, but used it in his comedy routine: “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” 

Abraham Lincoln allegedly said something along the lines of “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” 

Jack E. Leonard, the American comedian, said, “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” 

Thomas Brackett Reed, Speaker of the House of Representatives, said this of his political opponent: “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” 

James Barrett Reston, the American journalist, said about Richard Milhous Nixon, “He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”