Moneynomist “Seize the Advantage” Series of Workshops: The Art of the Insult

The following article is expanded from points based on my slide notes for my 30-minute workshop, “The Art of the Insult”, which is about the psychology of why people are inclined, or disinclined towards each other.  This is part of the wider Moneynomist “Seize the Advantage” programme, along with Eric Tan Shi Wei, Gerald Yong Kim Heong, Margrette Lo Foong Quan, Oh Cheng Kok, and Zhuo Shu Zhen.  The Moneynomist team is from AIA Toastmasters Club, and are all past presidents.

An insult is a word, a phrase, or an entire exchange that is spoken with disrespect, with the intention to denigrate or devalue the other.  In and of itself, it may be viewed as something negative.  However, we must recognise that there are times we have to stand our ground, and be firm.  A proper put down is very effective in these times, without damaging our credibility. 

An insult is a disparaging remark.  It is verbal riposte, a play on words, and an exaggeration of attributes.  To really hurt, there must be an element of truth.  An insult need not be obscene, profane or vulgar.  Where is the challenge in mere abuse?  There is no class there. 

People do not, as a general rule, like confrontation.  Particularly in the context of Asian societies, we tend to be hierarchical, subservient, conformists.  That will never get you anywhere.  Consider this scenario: You are a manager, and you have to downsize two equally good workers as a cost-cutting exercise.  Who would you let go?  The truth is, you would likely let go of the one who would cause the least drama, because we want our lives to be easier.  This is played out all the time, in similar scenarios, all over the world. 

People complain that nice guys finish last.  This adage is based on a false premise, that a “nice guy” is someone who does not rock the boat.  The lesson here is do not be a doormat.  The doormat is always stepped on, and easily thrown away.  Being a “nice guy” simply means lacking the courage to have yourself heard. 

That being said, being assertive is not about being obnoxious.  I am assertive, I am a dominant character by nature, I am confident.  However, I almost never use any form of vulgarity, obscenity, profanity.  When you have to resort to such words, it does not make you look assertive.  You are either uncouth, unmannered, or scared.  It diminishes you as a person, it eats away at your credibility, it makes you look very small.  It is quite possible, and much more effective, to put people in their place without resorting to uncouth words.  Insults have been used throughout history, in our literature, in our diplomacy, and even in our scripture.  In Ancient Greece and Rome, insults were a genre of plays.  They were both social and political commentary.  Even the works of William Shakespeare were replete with insults. 

Closer to our time, from the Romantics era, we have people like Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known as Mark Twain, and Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde.  For example, Samuel Clemens once said, “Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.” 

Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill was not just known for his great speeches, but for his quick wit, and barbed replies.  He was of a different political opinion from Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor, a noted Nazi sympathiser in the pre-war years.  In an apocryphal exchange, it is said that Nancy Astor told Winston Churchill, “Sir, if I were your wife, I would poison your tea.” 

Churchill replied, “Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.” 

“Sir, you are drunk.” 

“Yes, madam, but in the morning, I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.” 

In the Industrial Age, John Montagu, 4^th Earl of Sandwich, from the House of Lords, verbally sparred with John Wilkes, from the House of Commons.  So, there is a class element here.  Montagu allegedly said, “Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox,” 

Wilkes is reported to have replied, “That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship’s politics or your mistress.” 

In a Toastmasters setting, the language evaluator is always talking about analogies, similes, and metaphors.  These rhetorical devices liken the victim to something familiar, for comedic effect.  It would be crass to tell someone he is stupid.  You can, however, say this: “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”  Or, “The lights are on, but nobody is home.” 

It would be wrong to say a woman is less than moral.  You can, however, say, “She is like the village bicycle; everyone has had a ride.”  Or, “She has had more pricks than a dart board.” 

An antithesis is a statement that highlights opposites.  It is best used for comedic effect.  Comedy in an insult diffuses a situation, and makes the other less threatening.  Oscar Wilde once observed, “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” 

Tobias George Smollett, the Scottish poet, said, “Some folks are wise, and some are otherwise.” 

Alan Dundes, from Berkeley University of California, said, “Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” 

The primary intent of an insult is to diminish the other person’s credibility through with, and subtle ridicule, while enhancing your own.  There may be a time and place for the public putdown, but that is an exercise of power that is inly effective in its scarcity, lest the people develop an immunity to its shock effect.  Creative insults are effective means of changing the power dynamic of relationships among near equals in a hierarchy, or to address an imbalance in that relationship with a superior.  For it to be devastating, it must have an element of truth stated in a pithy manner. 

Exercised correctly, it is effective in staying consequences, since to respond to such an insult requires thought, and an acknowledgement of the grain of truth held within.  Mark twain allegedly said, “Never argue with stupid people; they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”  In such a case, arguing makes them the fool, and you live to fight another day.  Do this often enough, and people will consider before crossing you.